Let’s take a dip into the pool of male and female psychology. I have to speak in generalities but I think you’ll get the message just the same. A huge buzzword when it comes to romantic involvement is ATTRACTION. Some people might call it “chemistry”. Everyone wants to “feel” it, everyone tries to find it and everyone knows its necessary; yet, it’s something that’s often not clearly defined. Taking attraction out of the realm of sentiment and mood, let’s just look at the dictionary definition: - noun
Reading through this you should see a common thread – a common denominator. What’s the common denominator to attraction? Selfishness. Yes, I used the S-word. We find ourselves attracted to things that entice us, fascinate us, find alluring and something that can bring us pleasure. These are all selfish qualities. What you find attractive may not be attractive to me and vice-versa. It’s all Perspective and therefore, subjective. So, how does knowing this relate to men and women? Simple. A person’s favorite subject is themselves. This trait is stronger in the average female than it is in the average male but, it’s there none-the-less. Please, don’t take my word for it; think about it for a moment. Speaking only about women, have you ever REALLY paid attention to how women talk to each other? When two or more women are talking, it doesn’t matter what the subject is, they always relate it back to themselves – what they think or feel about the subject or their personal experiences. When men (or males) communicate, what do they do? They take a topic and give their viewpoint; their thoughts - usually more rational and with less emotion involved. Even if it’s something they’re not interested in. People (in general) have a natural need to be heard – it’s part of human nature. A female has a stronger drive to express her thoughts and feelings verbally, while a male has a stronger drive to express himself through action. 2 females could talk for hours while 2 males could be content sitting in front a television and watching a sports game – with huge moments of silence in-between remarks and conversation. When you’re trying to build attraction (yes, attraction can be “manufactured”), the most effective way to do it is to play into the selfish nature of it. What do I mean? For the average male, trying to “catch a woman” is like attempting to catch a deer. If you chase her, she’s usually going to run, duck or dodge out the way. She knows the male wants something – and this leaves no room for her. The male is cutting-out her favorite subject; herself. If you want to charm a woman, you need to get the woman comfortable enough to talk about herself. This means you have to be comfortable talking about yourself. You share something about you, then she shares something about her; it’s like a dance. And again, I’m just speaking in general. For the average female, trying to gain the attention of a male is like one of those dreams when you’re trying to yell, but no sound comes out. The average male is very slow at picking up on “hints”, innuendo, subtle flirts and subtle body language. The subtle approach is usually not the best approach. He can be completely oblivious. Also being too aggressive as a woman can completely short-circuit the average male’s “brain”. Although he loves the attention (and the ego boost) he’s rarely dealt with anything like that before so he doesn’t know how to react. Whether subtle or direct, the female is cutting-out a male’s favorite subject; himself. There’s not much room for him. He just has to react to what the woman is doing, and try to maintain his “coolness” in the process. So how do we remedy all of this mis-communication and possible confusion? It’s simple really. Lack of communication is the cause of most problems. So talking is vitally important. But we don’t just want to have idle chatter – we want to capture the attention of the opposite sex! How do we do that? We get the person very comfortable with talking about themselves, i.e. talking about their favorite subject. And then you want to really listen and pay attention. You also want to ask the right kinds of questions to “draw them out”. And what are we listening for? When a person is extremely comfortable talking about themselves, they’ll reveal what’s attractive to them. Then it’s just a matter of… are those things reasonable to you or not? When we meet someone physically pleasing to our eye, we continue searching to see if they can fulfill other needs and desires we have (well… most times). Attraction starts out selfish. It may not remain that way, but that’s the way it begins. For those of you in the dating world right now, you know how fragile attraction can be. Things can start out great, then you hear a few things you don’t like (or see some things you don’t like), then you find yourself losing attraction – or as we call it – getting turned-off. And this works the opposite way as well. You may think everything is going good, then suddenly you start feeling the other person backing-off. What just happened? They lost attraction for you; either from some things you did or some things you said; or some things you didn’t do or didn’t say. It’s can be frustrating, am I right? Unfortunately the 2 people involved NEVER actually talk about what’s turning them off. It’s almost as bad as 2 people not directly saying what’s turning them on. The guessing games continue; all because either party doesn't honestly communicate and address the issue(s). It’s a problem that won’t get solved. I’m not here to offer you dating advice but, I did want to share a Perspective on making things possibly run a little smoother. Now that you understand we’re all “bad and selfish” individuals (honestly, some people feel guilty about these traits, so don’t take this too seriously) – hopefully you can come to grips with: YOU want what you want – but so does the other person. If you can accept that, then the only question is: Are they worth trying to communicate with to solve the problem? (Did I just hear you answer, “If I just met them, probably not!”? Well, that’s just so selfish of you to say…) Curious about the Game? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Higher level Game to help take YOUR Game to the next level. 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Is the Game in you? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Free news, early access to future books, products and discounts. Join now by clicking [HERE].
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This is a follow up to last week’s post, “The Shocking Truth about a Man’s Greatest Need”. If you missed it just click [HERE]. That post generated hundreds of views and a lot of positive feedback from women, but no response from men. All good, I figured this time around I would address the men directly. This post is going to step on some toes but that’s fine, this information is needed. Men, many of us have lost our Manhood and some of us never had it to begin with. The majority of us were never taught just what Manhood is. The problem I face when I discuss Manhood is that people (men in particular) feel that just because they’re grown, this makes them a man. This isn’t true.
True Manhood is beyond all of that, and this is why we’re losing control of our lives, households and our families. Men have been conditioned to seek material and worldly pleasures to “look” like we’re "about" something, instead of standing on principles and developing character. Before I define what a man is I need to make this statement: A man is not what you become when you grow up. A man is a position that must be held. A man is a position you must step into. Like I said last week, some grown men are just grown “boys”. So what is a man? What is this position that must be held? The easiest way for me to define Manhood is like this -Let’s look at the dating world: Now men, keep it real with me… many of us, when we first meet a woman we like, put up a good front. We’re nice, accommodating, patient and attentive. But over time, months down the line, we change. We don’t become someone “different”, we become who we already “are”. So here you go, showing a woman all your good qualities but because this is not really you, the real you comes out later. This happens because a person acts and speaks the way they think. No one can keep up a front forever, especially when the responsibilities of a relationship weigh down on you. And you know what happens when the real you finally comes out? Women get confused and upset – and they have every right to be. Why? Because you were not consistent in who you said you were. This shatters her sense of security, which is one of a woman’s greatest needs. This is not being responsible – this is not being accountable. And this is one reason women lose respect for you. Put the shoe on the other foot and you would feel the same way. In the Game we say, “Never start a pace you can’t keep up,” and this applies here. The position of Manhood is about consistency and accountability. To be who you claim you are at all times, no exceptions. This is not easy and this sure as hell isn’t convenient – but this is a large part of what it takes to hold the position of Manhood. True men Function – we do not Fold. We are consistent in who and what we say we are, at all times and with no compromise. We take responsibility and accountability for everything we say and do. Simple. Period. Now let me make this even clearer. If you don’t know who you truly are – you cannot take the position of Manhood. As I stated last week - You can’t give what you don’t have. To hold the position of Manhood, you must have principles that you never Fold on. You must have integrity and character. When you posses these things no one can come move you. No one can come and convince you to act any other way. You don’t bend or sway in any situation. Your principles, character and integrity come first at all times – no compromising, no exceptions.
And if you don’t have any principles, standards, character or integrity you cannot hold the position of Manhood – You’re just a boy who has grown up. A man that has strong principles, standards, character and integrity isn’t always liked by everyone. But he is respected and appreciated by his woman and his family – what’s more important than that? For those of you men reading this that disagree with me, let me give you some Real Game: A woman is attracted to a man's overall behavior over anything else. Don't believe me? Ask them. A man's behavior can turn them on and turn them off in a heartbeat. Final words – I’m not a religious person and I’m not trying to turn this into a religious discussion but there is a vital lesson to be learned. When Adam was confronted by the Heavenly Father in the biblical story of Adam and Eve (Genesis Chapter 3), Adam Folded under the pressure. Instead of being accountable and taking responsibility for what he was put in position to do, he blamed the woman. And to make matters worse he blamed the Heavenly Father for giving him the woman. Adam not being accountable for his position of rulership was the fall of man. Consider that for a moment. Men, stop pulling an Adam! Stop blaming your woman, other people and the outside World for not “allowing” you to be who you need to be. Claim your position of Manhood. This only scratches the surface of this topic but I think this is a good starting point so I’ll end this here. Let’s air this out. What are your thoughts on this? Leave a comment below. Until next time. Want more? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Free news, early access to future books, discounts and answers to questions too controversial for the blog. Join now by clicking [HERE]. Lately I’ve been getting an abundance of relationship questions from women. So in this post I'm going to switch gears. Although I’m no relationship counselor I understand enough about the male and female dynamic to deliver some much needed insight so have no fear. *WARNING: Be advised, this post will get into some slightly mature subject matter* I was fortunate enough to grow up with both my father and mother present in the household. My father taught me responsibility but my mother taught me about women in her own unique way. Like most mothers, she tried to teach me to be the “nice guy”. Or as we call it in the Game, a "simp". Most mothers do this unconsciously but it has adverse effects on a young man’s perspective on romantic relationships. Let’s be honest. A woman can be many things but she can’t be a man. You can’t give what you don’t have. The reality is, “nice guys” usually finish last and they generally get ran over by women. We as men are taught to spend our time catering to women and in doing this we sacrifice one of our most important needs. A need many of us don’t realize we even have! Because of this we are never 100% satisfied in our relationships. One of our deepest needs is not being met. This is not the woman’s fault, it’s ours. This deepest need of a man is not being nurtured, or “babied”, it’s not having a home-cooked meal every night (although this is greatly appreciated, trust me), and no, this deepest need is not sex either. We love sex, but sex won’t hold a man – I’m sure many of you ladies reading this have already experienced that for yourselves. A woman leans more toward needing security. She wants to be very confident that “home” is taken care of, and that all the relationships in her life are stable – especially her romantic relationship. She wants a man that is who he says he is and to be consistent in that. But what does a man need? A man also enjoys security because he is taught to help provided it, but one of his greatest needs is deeper than that. One of a man’s greatest needs is to be admired. There is nothing that turns a man on more then to be respected and admired by the woman he loves – A woman who can “manifest” his truth (if he has one). A man wants to be respected and appreciated for his dreams, goals, aspirations and for just being a man in general. To a man, a woman who is sincerely "into" him is worth her weight in gold. It’s not about her becoming a clone of him or losing her identity, it’s about her being “in tune” with him – understanding him as well as he understands himself. We love it when a woman quotes things we say. We love it when a woman can see things from our point of view (perspective), even if she doesn’t agree. We love it when she backs up the moves we make. Now when I say this, many women get very defensive and think I’m trying to insinuate that a woman should be submissive to her man. And that’s part of the problem, admiring your man has nothing to do with being submissive. In fact, nowhere in the dictionary definition of admiration will you find the word submissive. They are two totally different things. What I’m saying is this, Ladies – just like you feel unhappy and neglected when a man is not giving you time, attention and providing for you (materially, mentally and emotionally), a man feels the same way when he doesn’t feel he’s being admired. He gets unhappy and easily agitated when his woman has no confidence in him and his abilities. When you place little value on every plan, goal and personal interest of a man you are planting weeds in a garden of flowers. Too many weeds will kill everything beautiful that could possibly grow. When this is taken to the extreme, this can even make him feel like less than a man. Now, let’s get real here. Not all grown males can hold the title of being a man. Some grown males are still boys. Age does not define maturity. Manhood, unfortunately, just isn’t in some grown males. Do these grown "boys" deserve admiration? Not in my opinion. And even if you’re in a relationship with someone like this, no amount of encouraging, fussing, complaining or bickering is going to change him. He has to want to be a man for himself, not for you. Let's air this out. What are your feelings and thoughts about this? Leave a comment below. Catch the follow up to this post. Click [HERE] Until next time. Want more? Subscribe to the Uncommon Sense Adviser – Free news, early access to future books, discounts and answers to questions too controversial for the blog. Join now by clicking [HERE] |
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